Tuesday, May 14, 2013

David Gandy on Alan Carr: Chatty Man (Channel 4)

On Friday, May 10, the 9th episode of the award winning chat show "Chatty Man" aired. The show is presented by Alan Carr on Channel 4. Guests on last night's show were the Essex born supermodel David Gandy, Rob Brydon and Amanda Holden. If you missed this hilarious episode you can enjoy it in HD via youtube or the mirror link added here


Transcription courtesy of Melissa Feijoo-Viro (DjG.com)

Alan Carr: Welcome back! Jessie Ware will be performing later. First though...I've been wanting to give this man a damn good probing on my sofa for years. Give it up for the amazing David Gandy.

AC: Oh right what can I get you..what have we got here?
DG:Oh is that Pina Colada?
AC:Yeah! Do you want a Pina Colada?
DG: I'll have a Pina Colada.
AC: Would it mess up for your (?) if you have a pina colada?
DG: Well I'm from Essex..you can't..
AC: Oh yeah you were brought up on this, weren't you?
DG: Exactly
AC:I brought some poppers somewhere
DG: An umbrella maybe
AC: Oh I hope we don't get drunk and start doing things, you know, we shouldn't
DG: Not again anyway
AC: Oh I'd hate to spill it on you and have to get out those wet things. Now look David is the biggest male model in the world and if your thinking "I recognize this bowl back (?)" he's the fella in this ad. This is you, look at that.
DG: That's the new one, yeah, we've done this is the third time we've done Light Blue.
AC: But, it's got the girl in it now, it spoils it.
DG: There's always been a girl in it, it's just a different one now.
AC: Ohhhhh well I'll blank her out then, make her go away make her go away.
DG: That's not what I say on set
AC: I always thought, you know, cause I saw like the white pants and everything and thought it was an ad for Imodium
DG: There's not a story about what you think, I'm going to tell...we've done three now and we've shot in the same location, always shot on the coast of Italy in Capri. We always hire a couple of these holiday homes and you get dressed there and everything else. We went back, we had to go re-shoot something, so we were eating lunch and they say David the light is perfect can you go and get changed..into those and ummm I went of course I can but I need to go to the loo quite quickly, so I ran up to where my pants are at. To these little bungalow things and I got in so I'm sitting there, as you do, ummm on the loo. I'm looking around the bathroom thinking it's slightly strange 'why did the crew bring their toiletries with them' so I go on thinking maybe they're staying there for a couple of days anyway. So I've got off and put my pants on and walked out and I was in the one that we were using before and this time it was August so it was really busy, I just walked out into like this family who rented this little bungalow. My Italian isn't the best and I was going out and they knew me, the white pant guy, this is the second time I'd done it, so I just went ah scusi, ummm you might not want to go in there for 20 minutes.
AC: You should have given a few sprays of perfume....D&G
DG: I went back to boat going oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God and people were just like 'what's wrong?' I was like I can't tell you what's wrong...I had just actually taken a shit in some one else's bathroom.
AC: Ohhhh no. What happens to those pants? Do you get a fresh pair of pants every time you do it?
DG: You get a fresh pair of pants every like take, everything, they'll line them up and you have a person that will look at your crotch..like this..
AC: No Way!
DG: Yeah
AC: Where can you get this job? Wow, that's the apprentice I want to see
DG: Yeah, absolutely! I'll be a part of that one.
AC: So what's it like for you, It must be like living in a perpetual long diet coke break. You must be walking down the shop to get some milk and women want to just dry hump you
DG: That would be nice, ummm would it? Actually I'm not sure if that would be nice..ummm
AC: you remember when I did that radio show with Melanie Sykes. I mean my God, we had to hose the woman down.
DG: I have a crush on Melanie as well, I always have done, so I was probably the same, but umm everyone thinks I live that life you know, everyone thinks I'm on a dingy arriving to work. I don't know(?) a speed boat or something and that doesn't happen unfortunately, but
AC: Ohhhhh
DG: I know
AC: You're single at the moment, I mean how does that happen
DG:No one will have me, that's the thing, that's probably it so umm yeah, I am single at the moment anyway.
AC: Ohhh, I heard that when you were younger you thought you were a bit of a munter?
DG: I didn't have to think I was a bit of a munter I was a munter I was ummm
AC: Ohhh What's wrong with you?
DG: I thought I was going to grow into this nose and it still hasn't happened. Sooo, I obviously wasn't the height I was and I kind of grew out before I grew up. So around about the age you kinda want to start having sex and dating like 16-17 that kind of age that was when I was a bit on my larger size.
AC: Ohh because I haven't hit puberty yet, you see.
DG: You'll be fine then
AC: You reckon, you reckon the voice will go down
DG: Something will go down...I don't know what has come over me
AC: I think it's the Pina Colada
DG: It probably is actually, two sips and I'm anyone's really
AC: Well, have another one...Now you got you're big break by doing This Morning didn't you?
DG: Please, don't tell me you've got a picture of that one..
AC: Oh we haven't got a picture, we've got a clip. This is David strutting his stuff for Richard and Judy back in 2001
(This Morning Clip)

AC: I mean three more boxes of wine and Judy would have been like uff uff uff
DG: Who voted for me though, seriously
AC: Oh come on
DG: I think it was dad, well mum couldn't vote because she was there so it was dad on redial at home, I think.
AC: Like Christopher Maloni's nan on X Factor. Now there's been some talk in the papers, that you look a like Dean Gaffney. Now, can you see the similarities?
DG: I think Dean's a really handsome guy on the right or the left.
AC: I mean do you reckon Dean can be a model? He's got chiseled
DG: He is chiseled, I think anyone, fashion always pushes the boundaries, umm
DG: Meow
DG: So it's umm, that sounded so wrong. It sounded good in my head, umm yeah fashion had to push those boundaries and you'll see many different sort of forms of models and everything else. So umm there' no right or wrong to it really
AC: I got some D & G pants from the market, I thought it was Dolce & Gabbana, it was actually Dean and Gaffney... We're going to take a break there David. join us again in a couple of minutes when David and I will be on the search to find a new supermodel and Jessie Ware will be performing, see you in part 4.

AC:Welcome Back to part four jessie Ware will be performing in a bit but look who's still here, It's only David Blooming Gandy, Rob Brydon and Amanda Holden...David say hello to Rob and Amanda.
DG: Rob..Amanda
RB: Hello, how are you?
AH: Hello David
AC: Amanda say hello to David..Keep your hands where I can see them
AH: They're right here
RB: You know there may be some people tuning in now wondering which is international super model David Gandy and which is funny Welsh chap Rob Bryton, so your probably going to have to put some names up just in case there's confusion
AC: Yeah, we'll do that in post production
RB: I'm trying to sit like David but it doesn't...it doesn't
AC: You've done a bit of modeling, haven't you Amanda?
AH: No
AC: You have love, look at this Amanda! I wish I was that moped
AH: I wish I had that ass now, I don't have that ass now
DG: I'm going to need a copy of that now
AC: Ohhhh Amanda look at you, what do you reckon, you reckon Amanda had got talent David? Is that good?
DG: Mmmmm
AC: Now before the break we were talking about your modeling career, when you do eventually hang up those white pants...
AH: Can you have them..
AC: Yes! What are you going to do with yourself?
DG: I've already started doing different things now, I write, I write for Vogue I write for GQ
AC: Now I've heard you fancy becoming a fashion designer, is it going to be like (?) Blue Harbor or is it going to be hat kind...
RB" Blue Harbor?! What a great plug..Blue Harbor
AC: Or you know that bollucky stuff you sell on the catwalk you know, looks a bit crap
DG: I don't know what you're talking about
AC: I mean, look at this, this is some of the crap that's on the..I mean the people in the BBC have to wear those gloves now
And this one takes the, look at..I mean that is genuine.
DG: I was at that show actually and I actually got a bit, sort of pissed off, I actually thought who does that, like who, like I would never have sort of if someone said put this in front of your face I would have gone off..
AC: You can actually say that, can you say that if someone said wear this shed on your head
DG: You do what you do...exactly
AC: So if someone said to me I want you to look like a shed, look like a shed, you can say no way forget it?
DG: I do
AC: Have you got that much power as the top male model in the world?
DG: I use to do that before having any power what so ever I was a stubborn little sod(?) So um, but maybe that was the principle, I didn't want to look like a shed today, thanks
AC: Now Tyra Banks and Elle MacPherson they've done like a search for models haven't they?
DG: Yeah
AC: I think you should do a next top model show don't you think? Would you? Is that something you'd like to do?
AH: Be a judge, would you like to be a judge, David?
AC: That's it, yeah
DG: I'd like one of those big uhhhh things
AH: Oh I'm sure you've got one..
RB: Is that, is that what you call them in your house..the big uhhh thing
AH: Actually, in my house I do
RB: You do?
AH: Oh Yes
RB: The big uhhh thing
AC:Well you know I'm doing a new show, to find a model, cause I've got a new perfume out. You know I've got a new perfume out...i'm going to kill that marketing woman, no one knows....Its Stenshhhhhh
AH: Liking that
AC: And it's great, it's floral & it's...
AH: does it smell of you?.
AC: Quite strong..It smells of me and the great thing is it's tested on animals so you know it's fine. Now David you're the expert..
DG: I wouldn't say that
AC: Can you give Rob, Me and Amanda the demo. Walk down there and also I want you to go Stenshhhhh...walk down there...
DG: Where am I going?
AC: sex sells, go on
DG: Am I moving here
AC: Camera two
DG: Right here
AC: Oh yeah
DG: What's it called, stenshhhh?
AC: Stenshhhhhh...shhushhh Stenshhhh
(music plays)
DG: What is this??.......Stenshhhhhh
AC: OHHH Oh My God that's amazing!
DG:Where's you get the name from?
AC: Well it's just Stenshhhh, so erotic, it's French
DG: (to Rob) What would you call your fragrance?
RB: What would I call my fragrance, I would call mine..ummm
AC: Something Welsh..daffodil or Leak...
RB: Leak!
AC: Leak!
AH: Yeah
RB: Cause it works both ways
AC: Yeah, if you can't smell a Leak
RB: Yeah or somebody Leaked
AC: Someone Leaked!
RB: Are you Leaking? (to David) see this is good I'm going to look into this
DG: Yeah
AC: And Amanda said earlier she would call her Goff (?) which was charming
RB: Guff is lovely
DG: Smell my Guff..I don't know why?
AC: Even I'm finding this distasteful. I have a high threshold when it comes to filth. Now Rob, you're up first yet. he's a bit short to be a model ain't he
RB: Just a bit, yeah
AC: So there you go, go in there you...come down the stairs I want you to model..
RB: No I can't do it in those, I have a weak left ankle..
AC: Okay if you don't wear them that's fine, but your letting yourself down
RB: But I've got the option
AC: Come down there and remember do..Stenshhhhh
RB: Okay, not Leak? into two?
AC: Yeah, none of this Leak..
AH: Does anyone ever eat these?
AC: Yeah, well they've been there since series one
DG: This one's moving a little bit
AH: It's like, I'm a celebrity get me out
AC: Okay Rob come on down. Go on we've got to judge him..
RB: Stensh..shhhhhh..... I felt, I wanted to get a kind of caveman thing going on
AH: Yeah
AC: Yeah, you got it alright
RB: Yeah, Yeah..was that good?
AC: It was very good
RB: shhhhh
AC: Yeah Yeah
RB: (to Amanda) Can I give you my Stenshhh
AH: Thank You very much
RB: Mmmmm
AH: It's quicker to do this, you can cut and edit it
RB: Oh she's so demanding
AC: I know and she seems so nice on the telly doesn't she...Come on down Amanda, when you're ready
AH: Stenshh...umphh
AC: Get off, give me my Stenshhh. I'm gong to show you how it works...one second
AC: Stenshhhhhh....It's so comfortable..So David..I'm off my face with a ????
Who's the winner? Come on, Please!
DG: There can be only one
AC: and it's?
DG: You
AC: Oh MY GOD I'm the winner..That's it for it tonight's show....


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