July 17, 2012
Steve McQueen drove a Jaguar XKSS and a mini Cooper. James Bond drove Bentleys, Aston Martins and Lotuses. Enzo Ferari himself once said Jaguar had made "the most beautiful car ever made" in the E-Type. Ralph Lauren often refers to his love of English cars and British racing cars. These style icons know what they're talking about: buy British!
If you insist on driving a supercar around town, don't wear aviators while doing it. You won't look like Maverick or Goose but there will be a few four-letter "call-signs" people will give you.
Most supercars have some sort of dual-clutch semi-automatic gearbox. Auto mode (which you should have in the city) will put you in the highest gear for your speed. If you are heard revving your Ferrari V8 or Lambo V10 to 8,000 rpm down London King's Road, you are doing it on purpose. Bottom line - don't, we can already see you (you're wearing aviators).
Don't de-badge or put huge aftermarket wheels on your car. We know you are driving a BMW 316i and not an M3 and that's a 1.6 litre diesel in your Audi A3 not an S3.
If you have recently thought about buying a BMW X6 or respraying your vehicle in a matt-effect finish, you need to sit in a corner and have a good long think about your life. If you've done both already, you should be deported.
If you see these cars, do not race them...you will definitely lose: Noble M600, Nissan GT-R, any Jaguar with an "R" sign, BMW 1 Series M Coupe and Renault Mégane 265 Cup.
M9CHO does not spell, or resemble, Macho. Don't buy private number plates, and if you really have to, please don't buy cheap, bad ones.
Never ever, underany circumstances, put cushions on your back seat! Not even if Terence Conran tells you it's OK.
You are only allowed to wear driving gloves, goggles or a shearling aviator jacket if: 1. You are flying a Spitfire. 2. You are driving any type of Morgan or pre-Seventies classic car. 3. You are Paul Newman or James Dean. 4. You are Alan Partridge
Originally published in the July 2012 issue of British GQ in the How To Be Brilliant supplement in association by The Black Grouse.